Ball Don't Lie...

If you've followed the NBA and specifically Rasheed Wallace at all, you've heard the term "Ball don't lie"...it used to crack me up when I'd hear him yell it at a Pistons' game back in the "glory days." The most basic interpretation of it is "you missed your free throw therefore you suck" or as it applies to this entry, "if your results aren't what you want, you need to change your method...you're not the way you are by accident"

Yeah I'm going Sheed on y'all today...well actually more on myself. As many of you know, I've been on a journey of sorts the last 6 months or so to "remake" myself in every area of life. I've had some successes in other areas, but most of the "radical" change has been physically. I'm down 50 lbs, able to run 3+ miles at a time, my blood pressure is way down (not that it was high, but it was at the upper edge of normal) and I'm pretty much in the best shape of my life. I also feel better about myself than I have in years (only partially due to the physical improvements) and have more self-confidence than I think I've ever had...Sounds great don't you think?

Yeah I'm on sports theme today

And here's where we get to the point where Rasheed's old "Ball don't lie" yell comes in...I've been ignoring, looking the other way, willfully not seeing, whatever you want to call it, several warning signs in the past few weeks. Just maybe things aren't quite so hunky-dory and I still have some work to do. If The one that really woke me up was 10 extra pounds on the scale (some was to be expected from taking creatine for workout recovery--which it has been a big help with, I'm able to do far more, more often) and almost a full inch added to my waist. It is a whole lot easier to ignore subtle mental/emotional/spiritual changes than it is to ignore a physical change like that. Once I started looking though, I found a whole host of other issues that were just yelling "Ball don't lie!" all of which were issues I set out to improve back when I started this journey in May:

• My Body--definitely the most obvious issue here. Pretty simple too, if I'm gaining weight/inches (not the good kind get your mind out of the gutter! lol) but I'm working out as much or more than I was before and my eating is under control according to my logging, either my logging is off or my body is lying (in the absence of underlying health problems which I don't believe I have)...since the "Ball don't lie" I need to look to my logging what I'm eating. Taking a close look, I notice I've been "cheating" here and there on it...leaving off one thing here, one thing there, maybe showing a smaller serving than I should have, etc. Nothing too major but it all adds up over time. Also, what I'm actually putting in isn't really the best either (especially the great cookie meltdown of 2014 these past few days!). 
• My Career--I've been unmotivated and lazy in this area. True I have some obstacles right now in that I don't know what business my current employer is going to end up in and I have very little to do at the moment. However none of those obstacles are preventing me from getting my skills updated (which I've been doing, but slowly and only when I'm bored) and possibly looking to see what else is out there. What happened to gaining a new skill every week or month? What happened to making sure my resume is completely up-to-date? To going on some interviews just to keep myself sharp?
• My Brain--Also have gotten lazy here (and it does connect with my career issues too). I was reading a book or two a week a few months ago, now if I do read I just reread something so I can just go to the part I know I like. Have spent WAY too much time just playing games on my phone while my brain hibernates.
• My Spiritual Life--I was determined to get back into church and to spend daily time in prayer and in the Bible.  To get back into the close relationship I once had with Jesus where I really felt like He was with me every step of the way and that I was following His plan for me. This is another one of those "part-way" things. I have gotten much more involved in church...I help out with the computer, I sing in the choir and I'm much more diligent about attending...but...I also miss some days, some choir practices, etc because I just don't feel like it. I don't spend time in the Bible much anymore. I don't pray as much now. It really makes me wonder if my big "commitment" because I wanted to get Sandy back (at the beginning) or wanted to go out with Rachel (later on) and thought God would make that happen for me if I just did everything right.  So when neither one of those were on the table anymore for me was I thinking I didn't need to put the effort in with God anymore? Definitely need to reexamine my motives and get myself straight here (and I know my motives weren't 100% bad...maybe not even 50%...but enough that when I lost the "carrot" I was reaching for I wasn't willing to overcome my desire to just sit on my bum)

Obviously there are a lot of other areas I could point to here, but I think the overarching theme here is that I'm just not choosing the option that leads to what I say I want. Do I want to be in shape more than I want to eat that tray of cookies? Not according to my inhaling the cookies one after the other. Do I want to be successful in my profession? Apparently not more than I want to fool around on the Internet and be lazy. Now to be fair in some areas such as working-out I'm doing very well so it's not like I'm just ripping on myself here, but if I'm going to be really honest with myself I've, for the most part, taken the easy road on my decisions.  It isn't a sacrifice for me to go to the gym now because I'm to the point where I enjoy the work and pushing myself. It IS a sacrifice for me to decide to log off of MFP or Google+ and train myself in some new programming skills. I'm allowing myself to take the easy way instead of the hard way in far too many situations and using far too many excuses for it.

So hearing that call of "Ball don't lie!" after seeing the ball clang off the side of the rim, what do I do? Do I sit here and tell myself I'm a victim of bad luck and that next time I'll make it? Or that it was those people making too much noise while I shot it distracting me so it isn't my fault? In other words deciding I'm a victim of circumstance and there's nothing I can do about it. Or will I choose to put in the time and energy, practice my free throws, and so start making more than I miss? That's the big question...

You know what?

I'm choosing to work on my free throws!

Let's keep things in perspective...

Sorry unfortunately it has been a LONG time since I've posted here, I've had a lot going on and got to a place where I really didn't think I had anything to say that anyone would care to read (still might be true, I just don't care now lol). I originally posted this to my blog on MyFitnessPal, but I decided to cross-post it here since it applies to more than just weight-loss/getting fit issues.

I just had to remind myself of this fact this morning so I thought I'd share it...No matter where you are on this journey, whether you're buff or blob or somewhere in between, never forget that you are more than your weight or what your body looks like and especially more than what others see in your physical appearance (good or bad).

Who you are inside matters much more than all of this. So go easy on yourself if the scale jumps up a few (or even more than a few) pounds, or your clothes start getting a little snug because you've cheated some...if you've been good to those around you, helped out friends or strangers in need, and did your best to live as a person of honor and integrity, then the extra pounds aren't going to matter in the big picture...and if you haven't been a person like that, then your wonderful, muscled, buff body doesn't mean a hill of beans...in the end after it's all said and done, that buff body of yours is going to turn to dust just like the body of the 400 lbs person will. What will last, what will stay as your legacy, is how you've lived your life out and how you've treated those around you.

As some of you know, my dad passed away last year. He was an elder at his church so we naturally expected a decent amount of people at his memorial but nobody was prepared for the church to be completely packed out and having to bring in extra chairs. We weren't prepared for such a list of people wanting to talk about what he meant to them and actually had to cut it short. I say all that not to toot my dad's horn, but to mention that not one of them talked about the great shape he was in (and for a man in his mid-60s, he was in terrific shape before the cancer took hold). Time and time again, people would come up and tell how he helped them out. How he'd give them the shirt off his back if they needed it. How he would give up hours and even whole days to help out someone. How he lived with honor and integrity so that if he said he was going to do something, you could take it to the bank that if he was breathing, it was going to happen.


So while I do think working-out and eating right and getting fit are incredibly important, I just think it's important not to lose sight of the things that are a higher priority, of much greater importance. How you live your life out to others, how you treat others, the mark you leave on the world...for better or worse...that's what will live on, and that's what you should base your self-esteem and self-worth on.